Financial writers clinic: Getting rid of “mitigate”

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Words with Latin roots, such as “mitigate,” drain life out of  your writing. Let’s spruce up a sentence by deleting “mitigate.”

Here’s a sentence from Gretchen Morgenson’s “Credit Cards and Reluctant Regulators“:

Alliance is not the only company working to mitigate the effects of new credit card restrictions.

I’d rewrite it as

Alliance is not the only company trying to work around new credit card restrictions.

What do you think? Better or worse? Clearer or more muddled?

 

"You" can help your job hunting "thank you"

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Which “thank you” are you more likely to read? The note that opens with 1) “Thank you for meeting with me” or 2) “Your company’s disciplined approach to…”?

Number 1 makes me yawn. “Another lame thank you note,” I say to myself, although I’m impressed the writer bothered to write when so many people don’t.

Number 2 makes me think, “Hey, this person listened to me! They’re writing about one of my company’s key messages.”

Recruiters and career counselors tell job hunters their communications should focus on the company that they’re pitching instead of on themselves. One way to achieve this is to start your “thank you” note with the words “you” or “your,” and then convey your appreciation later.

A friend tried a variation on this when requesting an informational interview from a senior executive. He opened by citing an article that had quoted the exec. “You said ‘…’ in this article, which interested me because…’ ” He got the interview.

The power of “you” isn’t just for job hunters. It boosts the power of most communications–blogs, brochures, articles, websites, white papers, and more. Try it and see!


Related posts
*  Which topic should you discuss in your client email’s first paragraph?
*  Your mail has three seconds to grab your reader’s attention
* To “dear” or not to “dear” in your email

____________________
Susan B. Weiner, CFA
If you’re struggling to pump out a steady flow of good blog posts, check out my five-week teleclass for financial advisors, “How to Write Blog Posts People Will Read,” and sign up for my free monthly e-newsletter.
Copyright 2010 by Susan B. Weiner All rights reserved

Five-Week Writing Teleclass for Financial Advisors: "How to Write Blog Posts People Will Read"

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Blogging has become a “must” for many independent and fee-only financial advisors. It’s a great way to connect with current and potential clients. Blogging also helps drive traffic to your website and cement your reputation as a leader in your field. But many advisors struggle to crank out a steady flow of compelling blog posts. That’s why you need to enroll in “How to Write Blog Posts People Will Read,” my NEW five-week teleclass for financial advisors.

You will learn how to
o  Generate and refine ideas for blog posts that will engage your readers
o  Organize your thoughts before you write, so you can write more quickly and effectively
o  Edit your writing, so it’s reader-friendly and appealing

The inaugural class will be offered exclusively to my newsletter subscribers and to clients. Participants in the initial class will receive a 50% discount in return for participating fully and providing detailed feedback.

When you participate fully in this class, you’ll end up with one polished blog post–and a process you can follow to generate many more.

How you’ll get there
o Small class–limited to 12 advisors–so you can participate, not just listen passively. Research shows that people learn best when they act on new information.
o Classes will meet on five successive Thursdays–Feb. 25, March 4, March 11, March 18 and March 25– on a teleconference call from 1:00 p.m.-2:00 p.m. Eastern Time
o Convenience because you can dial into the weekly phone calls from anywhere–and classes are recorded, in case you can’t attend “live”
o Guidance through a step-by-step process of writing blog posts, including
o  Generating blog post topics
o  Organizing your thoughts before you write
o  Positioning your blog post to appeal to readers
o  Editing your posts to boost their reader-friendliness      
o  “Hands on” practice through completing your weekly homework assignments
o  Resources for the future because you can download
o  Class recordings
o  Class handouts
o  E-booklet
o Feedback from a seasoned financial writer-editor whose clients range from the country’s largest asset managers to solo professionals to trade and retail publications

Register Now!

TESTIMONIALS
What advisors say about other workshops by Susan Weiner, CFA
o “I found this presentation very helpful because it focused on key elements to being an influential but understandable advisor.”
o  “Susan’s presentation brought to life the benefits of better writing.”
o  “Great tips for jump starting my client communications”
o  “Susan’s presentation made me want to go back to my office and juice up my emails and letters.”
 
DO YOU HAVE QUESTIONS?
Contact Susan at learn@investmentwriting.com or 617-969-4509.

Register Now!

Bloggers, one theme per post, please

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Blog posts aren’t books. You only have time to make one major point per post.

In support of my thesis, I offer three quotes from The Elements of Story: Field Notes on Nonfiction Writing by Francis Flaherty, an editor at The New York Times.

  • “A writer is like a gardener who knows one tree can serve as a focal point in a garden, but that many trees will just muck up the impact of each. Also, a good writer realizes that readers have the mental room to store just one large thought from a story,” pages 32-33.
  • “A subject is not a story; it is many possible stories. To write is to choose, which is to exclude,” p. 33.
  • “No detail belongs in a story if it doesn’t serve some role therein. As Chekhov said, don’t put a gun on stage in Act I if it doesn’t get used by the end of the play,” p. 37

What do YOU think of Flaherty’s quotes?

By the way, if you’re struggling to crank out a steady stream of readable blog posts, consider enrolling in my five-week class for financial advisors, “How to Write Blog Posts People Will Read.”

Related posts
*  Five great writing tips: They’re not just for ads
*  Financial writers, lead with your message, not your source
*  Bloggers’ top two punctuation mistakes 

 

NOTE: On May 25, 2021, I updated the link to my financial blogging class and to my related posts.

Can you make a case for "mitigate"?

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Good writing uses strong verbs. Strong verbs are usually short. Thus, I strongly dislike the word “mitigate.” In fact, I can’t think of any time that I’d use mitigate instead of a synonym.

Some of my favorite synonyms for “mitigate” in the context of an investment or wealth management article include 

  • Cut
  • Ease
  • Manage
  • Reduce

Can you think of a case where it would be essential to use “mitigate” instead of a synonym? I’d like to know.

 

Note: updated 11/18/24

Financial writers clinic: Rhythm can help you

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I got rhythm, I got music…Who could ask for anything more?                                         

Rhythm isn’t only useful for Gene Kelly tap dancing to “I Got Rhythm” in An American in Paris. It also can also energize your writing about investment or wealth management.

Writers in our industry are prone to writing long, long sentences. One way to improve your rhythm is to insert some short sentences amid the long ones. Or even to start your article with some.

Here’s an example that caught my eye.

Reduce the growth of health care costs. Bend the curve. Find the game changers. Reform the delivery system.

Yawn.

 

This is how David Leonhardt of The New York Times started his “Falling Far Short of Reform,” a column about health care reform.

The sentences in Leonhardt’s introductory paragraph run four to seven words in length. If the sentence length of his entire article averaged five words, you’d get bored. The repetitive rhythm would start to work against him. In small doses–or interspersed among longer sentences–they are easy for readers to absorb. 

I also like the humor of “Yawn.” It makes it easy for the casual reader to relate to the article.

You might apply Leonhardt’s construction to something you write. Let’s say you want to tear down some of the classic assumptions about portfolio management. You could start as follows:

Asset allocation. Diversification. Buy-and-hold.

Yawn.

Your advisor has been telling you this story forever. But now that you’ve been through the stock market meltdown of 2008-2009, it’s time to take a fresh look at how to manage your portfolio.

I tweaked Leonhardt’s technique slightly by using sentence fragments. That’s okay in moderation. Please try this technique and tell me what you think about it.

Related posts
*  Grab readers with an anecdotal lead
*  Financial writer’s clinic: Great title, lousy intro 
*  Vary your paragraph length like NYT writer Floyd Norris

Do you go crazy over misspellings?

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Then you’ll probably enjoy “Ten Words You Should Stop Misspelling” from TheOatmeal.com. I couldn’t stop laughing.

I discovered this through Twitter. This isn’t a business reason to participate in Twitter but a little laughter helps every now and then.

Poll: Which topic should you discuss in your client email’s first paragraph?

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When you email your clients, they expect you to
* Be polite
* Be clear
* Provide any necessary background information

So when you email a request for action to a client, what should you discuss in the first paragraph?
1. Social niceties, such as “It was nice to see you last week…”
2. Your request, such as “Please sign and fax the attachment…”
3. Background to your request, such as “Remember we talked about adjusting your asset allocation…”

Please answer the poll in the right-hand column of my InvestmentWriting blog. I’ll report the results–and share my bias with you–in next month’s newsletter. The NAPFA MA members who attended my email writing workshop know my leanings, but I wonder if I’ve convinced them to change their habits.

I’ll report on the poll results in my February e-newsletter.

Related posts:

Quit being passive: A grammar tip

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If you reduce your use of the passive voice, your writing will become more powerful. That’s something I often tell my writing students.

If you can’t recognize the passive voice, check out the passive voice resources highlighted by Barbara Feldman in “Active and Passive Voice.”  Don’t be put off by the “Kids” in Feldman’s column title. She’s referring you to websites appropriate for adults.

According to the Guide to Grammar and Writing’s “The Passive Voice” page

In the active voice, the subject and verb relationship is straightforward: the subject is a be-er or a do-er and the verb moves the sentence along. In the passive voice, the subject of the sentence is neither a do-er or a be-er, but is acted upon by some other agent or by something unnamed (The new policy was approved).

In my opinion, the active voice has a couple of advantages compared to the passive voice

  • It shortens sentences
  • It clarifies the relationship between cause and effect

If you’re not sure you can recognize the passive voice, take the Guide to Grammar and Writing’s passive voice quiz, “Exercise in Revising Passive Constructions.” 

Some of the other resources mentioned by Feldman include

What your kids can teach you about writing

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“My kids learned that in school.” I’ve heard that comment several times after my writing workshops. Schools are teaching mind mapping to help children to organize their thoughts before writing. That’s why I use it, too.

If your child talks to you about mind mapping, consider learning more from them about this technique. Your daughter or son may be able to teach you a useful skill. Based on what my friends tell me, schools typically teach mapping in second or third grade. Instead of mind mapping, they may call it idea mapping, concept mapping, semantic mapping or writer’s workshop.

I never write a long, complex article without mapping my information first. Mapping makes me a more efficient writer. Try it, you may like it.