Reader challenge: New, non-liquid metaphors for money?

Liquid metaphors dominate our discussion of money, said New York Times op-ed columnist David Brooks in “Poetry for Everyday Life,” his April 12 column.

For example, said Brooks, “We dip into savings, sponge off friends or skim funds off the top. Even the job title stockbroker derives from the French word brocheur, the tavern worker who tapped the kegs of beer to get the liquidity flowing.”

Your challenge is to suggest fresh metaphors for money. You can tackle one of the phrases in Brooks’ sentence or something of your own choice.

Please post your suggestion as a comment on this blog post.

Reader challenge: Shorten this phrase

Prosecutors Hope Verdict Will Be a Deterrent to Others,” says the headline about Raj Rajaratnam’s conviction in this morning’s print edition of The New York Times.

What grabbed me about the headline is how easily I could shorten it.

I know what I’d do, but what about you? Please post your answer below.

Let’s get possessive: A financial writing tip

Sometimes it pays for financial writers to get possessive.

No, I’m not suggesting that you jealously hoard your office supplies or isolate your clients from other professionals. This is a writing tip.

Instead, I’m suggesting that you use the possessive case to shorten phrases.

For example, turn “The tone of the market improved by Friday” into “The market’s tone improved by Friday.”

The next time you find a sentence including “the X of Y,” see if it sounds better rephrased as “Y’s X.”

Plain English means writing sentences that flow better. It’s not only about choosing more basic words.

Pictures can supercharge your message: A grasshopper story

People absorb messages better when words are complemented by an image. This is a rule that any writer can exploit.

Take my dinner at Casa Oaxaca on a Mexican vacation. It was a multi-course tasting menu, so I could gloss over the chapulines in the taquitos de jicama con  chapulines, quesillo y cuitlacoche. But then the dish captured in the photo to your right arrived.

Do you see the little antennae and the translucent wings?

I could no longer ignore the inclusion of toasted grasshoppers (chapulines) in my food. Good thing they were tasty!

Properly used, photos and other images add oomph to your written communications.

Tips for finding images

1. Look for the noun.

Finding an image is easy when you write about a concrete topic like grasshoppers. Simply search your favorite photo bank for your thing–the noun you’re writing about. Check my earlier blog post for free or low-cost photo sources.

2. Illustrate the adjective, verb or emotion.

What can you do when your subject is more abstract than grasshoppers?

I follow the advice of writer Erik Sherman:

Remember that none of your stories are about abstract topics. They are always tangible to someone. It might help to stop thinking about the topic – the noun – and focus on what people are doing – the verb – or what they’re feeling – the adjective. In a given investment story, someone is either making or losing money. It often happens in some industry, like real estate, high tech, or commodities. There may be regulatory aspects, in which case think about images that could represent regulation, like police holding a hand up to tell traffic to stop, a judge, Congress. The more tangible and simple you get about the topic, the easier it will be to think of a fitting image.

Financial blogger Chuck Rylant cracked this problem in his “Controversy Over Disappearing CalPERS Police Officer Retirement Benefits” blog post, which is no longer live. He illustrated the adjective “disappearing” instead of the difficult-to-depict noun, “retirement benefits.” Plus, the sinking ship in his illustration reinforced the message that the benefits are disappearing.

Can you add any tips for illustrating blog posts and other written communications?

Nov. 20, 2013 UPDATE: If you prefer original photos, read about the strategy used by advisor Sheri Iannetta Cupo. Aug. 15, 2016: I deleted some broken links.

WSJ video highlights plain English for financial advisors

The Wall Street Journal continues to highlight the case for plain English. An article, “A Tip for Financial Advisers: When Possible, Use English,” expands on the ideas introduced in the video.

If you like this article-video combo, you may also enjoy former SEC Chairman Arthur Levitt’s opinion essay, which I discussed in “The Levitt test for financial risk disclosures.”

Projected: A word geek’s nitpick

Sloppy or mistaken word usage pops out at me. For example, “A projected 5,000 people hold shares in this mutual fund.

The sentence misuses “projected.” Projected refers to an estimate for the future.

Here’s a correct use of the word. “A projected 5,000 people will hold shares in this mutual fund one year from now.”

To speak about current shareholders, you could say, “An estimated 5,000 people hold shares in this mutual fund.”

Are you using “projected” and “estimated” correctly?

Reader challenge: Fix the metaphor overload

Metaphors are “Poetry for Everyday Life,” as New York Times op-ed columnist David Brooks said in his April 12 column. However, it’s best to stick to one metaphor per sentence.

Brooks highlighted the following sentence as “clunky” because it uses four metaphors.

Britain’s recovery from the worst recession in decades is gaining traction, but confused economic data and the high risk of hung Parliament could yet snuff out its momentum.

How would YOU fix the metaphor overload and make this sentence more powerful?

Please post your reply as a comment on this blog post.

Reader question: How can I become a freelance financial writer?

Aspiring freelance financial writers seeking advice contact me occasionally. If you’re one of them, here’s some advice.

“Freelance financial writer” is made up of three words, each of which contains clues to the freelance financial writer’s success. I discuss them below in order of importance.

“Writer”: Polish your wordsmithing

Do whatever you can to improve your writing, including

“Financial”: Learn about the business

I took many great classes through the Boston Security Analysts Society on my way to earning my CFA (chartered financial analyst) credential. Your local society of the CFA Institute, other professional societies, or colleges may offer relevant classes in person or online.

Industry experience helps, too. I took my first job in financial services back in the 1980s.

“Freelance”: Learn how to survive

You may be a great writer with a strong command of finance. But if you can’t run a business, you’re lost.

Here are some online resources for learning more about freelancing:

“Freelance financial writing”

Here are some relevant posts from my blog. While they’re aimed at CFA charterholders, they’re relevant to others who understand investments.

If you have more suggestions for aspiring writers, please leave a comment.

If you’re in New York City, you can pick up more writing tips from me at my New York Society of Security Analysts presentation on “How to Write Investment Commentary People Will Read” or the  annual writers conference of the American Society of Journalists and Authors.

Guest post: “Using Clause Analysis to Fix Your Complex Sentences”

If you can’t figure out why your written sentences are too long, then you’ll find a useful tool in this guest post by Joe Croscup. Joe was a wonderful assistant when I taught “How to Write Blog Posts People Will Read” last year. He is also an excellent freelance proofreader, with an eagle eye for catching inconsistencies.

Using Clause Analysis to Fix Your Complex Sentences

By Joseph Croscup

Financial markets are complicated. However, you must not allow your sophistication and knowledge to interfere with clear and concise writing. Understanding your clauses can help.

Common problem in financial writing

Financial writers often make two-part cause and effect statements. They say, because of a factor, the following fact, conclusion, or prediction is true. Therefore, the standard sentence contains at least two clauses. When a writer qualifies the cause or the effect, or both, a sentence is soon cluttered with three or four clauses.

Sentences overpopulated with clauses are unclear and imprecise. The reader confuses the relationship among the parts. Tortuous or excessively long sentences deplete attention and obfuscate meaning even when grammatically perfect.

No one aims to write overly complex sentences. When financial advisors report on the market in real time, it’s easy to see how confusing sentences are drafted. Writers are still formulating their thoughts during composition. However, a timely but muddled report offers little insight.

Solution: Recognize the words that identify new clauses

Your sentences are likely to confuse if you use too many clauses. If you don’t know how many clauses you’ve got, use the list below. The list contains words that act as dividers between clauses. Whenever you see one of these words, you may have started a new clause. However, be careful because some of these words−such as “and,” “or,” and “that”−sometimes play other roles in sentences.

  1. Coordinating conjunctions−“and,” “but,” “for,” “nor,” “or,” “so,” and “yet”
  2. Subordinate conjunctions−“after,” “although,” “because,” “except,” “if,” “unless,” “when,” “whether,” “while,” “though,” “unless,” “that”
  3. Prepositions introducing a clause or phrase−“after,” “except,” “before,” “until,” “concerning,” “according to,” “because of,” “instead of,” “together with,” “owing to”
  4. Conjunctive adverbs−“however,” “indeed,” “moreover,” “nevertheless,” “therefore,” “thus,” “furthermore,” “then,” “accordingly,” “also,” “besides”
  5. Transitional expressions−“for example,” “in fact,” “in addition,” “namely”

By memorizing this list−or keeping it handy−you can quickly see if your sentences have too many parts or if they are too complex. Then you know where you need to wield your editor’s pen.

At first, it may be difficult to untangle your sentences. Unlike a juggler, a writer is not always aware of how many plates he has suspended in the air. Knowing these key words will help you to determine relationships and more easily spot problems.

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