How to discuss index and portfolio returns: My case against synonyms for “return”

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How many ways can you say “returned” when writing about indexes and portfolios? This question seems to eat at many investment and marketing professionals.

I’m delighted that writers of market and portfolio performance commentary seek to make their writing more lively for their readers. I know that’s why they’re asking about synonyms for the verb “return.” However, they have hit one of my hot buttons. Please, please, please stop using gazillion synonyms for “return,” “rise,” and “fall” when you write dense paragraphs.

Why do I say this? When you read a dense paragraph or report with many return numbers, it becomes hard to absorb them if your brain also has to interpret the different words representing “return.” For example, you have to decide “Is ‘delivered’ positive or negative?” or you must recognize that 5% is positive when it follows “gained,” but negative when it follows “fell.” Sure, it’s not brain surgery. However, it slows your readers.

Please take the test below.

Which of the following is easier to understand?

If you’re skimming or reading in a hurry, like so many of us, which of the following sentences can you understand more quickly?

  1. The S&P 500 returned 2.9% vs. -1.3% for EAFE.
  2. The S&P 500 was up 2.9%, while EAFE was down 1.3%.

I am such a strong believer in #1, that I’m posting a poll where you can answer this question. Let’s see what people say. The poll offers a “comment” box if you’d like to opine on this topic.

My suggestions for return-heavy paragraphs

1. Stick with the verb “return.”

2. If you’re comparing two numbers, put the numbers close together for easier comprehension. In other words, “The S&P 500 returned 2.9% vs. -1.3% for EAFE” instead of “The S&P 500 returned 2.9% and EAFE returned -1.3%.”

3. When reporting more than two returns, consider using a table or graph. It’s easier to scan data arranged neatly in columns than in a long, long sentence. You can still refer to the returns in your text, along with a suggestion to “See the table of index returns.”

4. Present returns in a logical order. For example, give all stock index returns first, followed by all bond index returns. Or, all U.S. index returns, followed by developed country and then emerging market returns.

When “return” synonyms are okay

I am happiest to see synonyms for “return” when a paragraph is devoted to a single index. For example, “The S&P 500 soared 25% for these three reasons…”

A little variety is okay even when you’re discussing more than one index. Perhaps you start with plain old “returned” for one index and then use “soared” for the second index to add emphasis and personality. Just don’t throw too many synonyms at me or I’ll get cranky. More importantly, you’ll lose readers when they get bogged down in SynonymLand.

Don’t give up on colorful language

My rant against synonyms for “return” shouldn’t scare you away from using colorful language in other places. I’m generally a big fan of powerful verbs and language that shows your personality. I’m leery of synonyms only when they interfere with comprehension.

Note: Edited on June 10, 2014, for clarity.

 Image courtesy of Stuart Miles / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

A case against writing outlines

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I’m not a big fan of outlines.

I wrote my Ph.D. dissertation using outlines. Perhaps that’s partly why the process felt like such a struggle. Since then, I’ve shifted from outlining to mind mapping.

Here’s what Donald Murray, author of Writing to Deadline: The Author at Work,Writing to Deadline by Donald Murray says about outlines:

…I found that formal outlines were prisons that restricted thought and discovery. They imposed a conscious organization that suppressed the subconscious text where real writing is done.

Murray’s statement resonates with me. How about you?

If you’d like to learn more about mind mapping, you’ll find step-by-step instructions in Financial Blogging: How to Write Powerful Posts That Attract Clients. You can also find some information on this blog, including “Photo + Mind Map = Blog Inspiration.”

FPA Connect – a secret weapon to improve your writing?

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The Financial Planning Association of Colorado inspired this tip, as a result of my speaking there in April 2014. The tip? If you’re a Financial Planning Association member struggling to find plain language to explain a technical term, ask your colleagues on FPA Connect for help.

If you’re not an FPA member, tap other organizations or social networks.

Plain language is more powerful

As I’ve said earlier, “Simple language helps your readers, even when they understand technical terms.”

For less sophisticated readers, technical terms block their understanding of your message. You may lose them as soon as they see jargon.

Standard references may fall short

You have resources to help you restate complex terms in plain language. Sources like Investopedia, InvestorWords, and the Morningstar Investing Glossary.

However, sometimes those sources fall short. They may lack the terms you need. This is when asking others for help can save the day.

Ask your peers for help

“How can I handle a complex technical term like ____?” asked a participant in my Colorado FPA presentation on “Writing Effective Emails and Letters.” It was a tough one. I had no idea how to simplify it on the spot.

However, an audience member—I think it was Carol—chimed in with a plain language equivalent. When you’re stumped like this, you typically won’t be in a room of people who can help. However, it sounds as if FPA Connect, a private social media community for FPA members can fill that role for you.

During the announcement phase of the meeting, I’d heard Carol urge members to check out FPA Connect. Both she and Joe Clemens told stories of how FPA Connect had helped them find answers to questions that might have stumped them otherwise. I believe they posted their questions online, and then waited for responses to roll in. It sounds as if FPA Connect would be a great place to say, “How can I handle a complex technical term like ____?”

I’ve done something similar myself. I’ve posted technical terms in LinkedIn’s “Financial Writing/Marketing Communications” group, asking for help in identifying plain-language equivalents. It usually works.

Has this worked for you?

If this has worked for you, please share your experience in the “Comments” section. I enjoy learning from you.

Image courtesy of Marin / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Top 3 Compliance Concerns When Writing Your Blog

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Compliance expert Cindi Hill very kindly reviewed the compliance section of my Financial Blogging book from the perspective of a registered investment advisor (RIA). I’m delighted to share her guest post on compliance and your blog. It seems to me that most of her advice also applies to other forms of advisor writing that might be considered marketing or advertising.

Top 3 Compliance Concerns When Writing Your Blog

By Cindi R. Hill

Let’s explore the compliance side of writing your blog. What are the things you should avoid or be concerned about when planning what you will write in your blog?

1. Understand who will need to review your blog

Is it simply the chief compliance officer or will your blog post need to go through a complete review cycle? How much lead time is needed for the review? If you have something that includes breaking news, you don’t want it tied up in review for days. In some states, like Idaho, all advertising items are required to be reviewed and approved by the state prior to being published.

2. Learn the guidelines for discussing performance

If you discuss investment performance, you need to follow guidelines. There are disclosures that may be required as part of your blog footer, the text that runs immediately under the body of each post. Which guidelines and disclosures depends on if you are registered with the SEC, your state, or FINRA. Be aware of these before you start to write.

3. Use words carefully

When reviewing any advertising/marketing piece I look at the words used. Some I discourage from use are “no bias” or “no conflicts of interest.” Just because you are a fee-only advisor does not mean that you have no biases.

This leads me to other types of words you should avoid, starting with definitive descriptors like “all” or “will.” Use “may” when you are tempted to use “will.” On a similar note, the word “exact” in a blog will get my immediate attention.

Another type of word I suggest staying away from—adjectives. For example, “excellent” or “superior” when referring to returns. This may seem obvious, but I have had to remove them from a reviewed document in the past. Also “highly” as in highly experienced. Or another one: “ultra-low cost.” You get the picture.

Remember that your blog is an advertisement. Compliance around any advertisement applies to your blog. No testimonials. This prohibition appears to apply to non-investment advisory activities as well.

Cindi R. Hill, CFP®, IACCPTM of Hill Compliance Advisors provides comprehensive compliance services and solutions for the financial professional who is a Registered Financial Advisor (RIA). You can follow her blog at https://hilladvisors.wordpress.com.

Confessions of a lousy writer—and 6 tips for you

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I was a lousy writer. It’s true. I wince when I read selections from my Ph.D. thesis, Bureaucracy and Politics in the 1930s: The Career of Goto Fumio.

Goto Fumio

Goto Fumio, the subject of my Ph.D. thesis

Wordy sentences and examples of the passive voice abound. However, over the many years since I earned my doctorate from Harvard, I’ve revamped my style, using techniques that you, too, can adopt.

1. Get someone to edit you

It’s hard for most people to identify their writing’s weaknesses. That’s why it’s so valuable to have someone edit you. My writing improved the most in the 1990s, when I was a staff reporter for Dalbar’s Mutual Fund Market News (now Money Management Executive). I had the luxury of being edited by professionals. If you work with a professional editor, look for patterns in the changes they make to your text. If certain corrections or changes occur repeatedly, you can create a checklist that you can apply yourself to future drafts. You’ll find a sample checklist, the “Blog Post Review Checklist” in my book, Financial Blogging: How to Write Powerful Posts That Attract Clients.

If a professional editor isn’t in your budget, consider asking colleagues, family members, friends, or even clients for feedback. Members of your target audience can help you assess whether your content appeals to them.

2. Take writing classes

Take a writing class—any kind of writing class. I’ve never taken a journalism or financial writing class. However, I’ve taken many adult education classes on writing essays, memoir, and even poetry in the adult ed programs of Boston, Cambridge, and Newton, Mass. These classes helped me learn how to organize my writing, write more economically, and use words with greater power. You might wonder at my inclusion of poetry on my list, but those classes remind me of how important each word is in my writing.

You may be able to find business writing classes, especially if you look at a local college that offers business administration classes. On June 26, 2014, I’ll lead a webinar on “How to Write Investment Commentary People Will Read,” shortly after presenting on that topic to the Boston Security Analysts Society on June 17. I have taught “How to Write Blog Posts People Will Read: Class for Financial Advisors” in addition to presentations on investment commentary, email, and other topics.

The rise of online instruction means that you should be able to find a class no matter where you live.

3. Write a lot

The more you write, the better you’ll become, especially if you get your writing critiqued. One benefit of blogging is that it gives you an incentive to write and publish frequently.

4. Read and analyze other people’s writing

When you read and enjoy other people’s work, take the time to figure out what you like about it. Is it their catchy titles and headings? The way they hit their readers’ hot spots? Their streamlined prose?

You can also learn from analyzing pieces that you dislike. These examples can yield a “don’t” list for you. Avoiding terrible mistakes is worthwhile.

Classes, which I mentioned above, are one way to get practice critiquing other people’s work constructively. Another way is to join a writing group, where members take turns giving and receiving feedback. My book, Financial Blogging: How to Write Powerful Posts That Attract Clients  came from my creative writing group. I don’t know how I would have finished my book without group members’ encouragement and feedback. Plus, I found my book’s project manager in the group.

5. Read about writing

While learning by doing is most powerful, you can also learn by reading about writing techniques. I recommend books on this blog. I also blog about techniques. While my monthly newsletter usually includes a writing tip, you may also enjoy my “Weekly Tip,” which includes just one communications or marketing tip from my archives. You can subscribe or adjust your subscription settings. In addition, you will find step-by-step instructions for writing blog posts in my Financial Blogging book.

6. Experiment

Take risks. Experiment with writing using techniques and formats you’ve never used before. You’re bound to learn something from the results.

What else works?

If you can suggest additional techniques for improving people’s writing, I’d love to hear from you.

Guide your readers better than this trail guided me

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I got lost. A poorly marked hiking trail sent my husband and me in one wrong direction and then another before we found our way. This reminded me of how writing that lacks trail markers sends readers astray.

The best trail markers for your writing are topic sentences. A strong topic sentence—the first sentence of any paragraph—summarizes the information covered by the rest of the paragraph.

Let me illustrate with an example of bad writing.

Factor #1 affects your investment performance. It can make a big difference in your investment returns. Factor #2 is important, too. So is Factor #3. #2 acts independently of #1 and #3. Factor #3 interacts with Factor #1, but not #2.

This would make more sense with a new topic sentence and some rearranging.

Three factors have a big impact on your investment returns: #1, #2, and #3. #1 and #3 work together, while #2 is independent of them.

To learn more about how topic sentences can help you, read “Quick check for writers, with an economic commentary example.”

If you don’t want to fix examples like this on your own, consider hiring me to help with your firm’s market or portfolio performance commentary. Or check out my June 26 webinar, “How to Write Investment Commentary People Will Read.”

 

Please edit like a traitor

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As a writer, your first loyalty should not be to yourself. Instead, you should betray yourself, as Donald Murray suggests in Writing to Deadline: The Journalist at Work.Writing to Deadline by Donald Murray

Here’s what Murray says:

Effective writers turn traitor to their own copy, reading what they have written through the eyes of an enemy reader who has no loyalty to the writer, little interest in the subject, no concern with form or style but with an aggressive skepticism and an eagerness to turn the page. Writers must detach themselves from intent, not reading what is supposed to be on the page, but what is on the page.

I like Murray’s assertion that you should assume that readers are eager to “turn the page,” although in today’s world that equates to web-surfing away from your page. Your job is to provide reader-friendly content that is compelling, clear, and concise.

The best solution to edit your content as if you were a member of your target audience. Betray yourself and go over to the other side. I’ll be interested to hear about your results.

Disclosure: If you click on the Amazon link in this post and then buy something, I will receive a small commission. I only link to books in which I find some value for my blog’s readers.
Note: I edited this on April 22, 2014, after noticing a typo.

Say “No” to jargon!

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Jargon hurts your communications. I found a great quote about this in Simple: Conquering the Crisis of Complexity by Alan Siegel and Irene Etzkorn.

Here it is:

To connect with people, you have to speak their language. The use of jargon represents a decision on the part of companies and governments to speak in a language that they understand and you don’t.

Jargon can lead to your messages becoming “lost in translation,” as the authors say.

Writing wisdom from novelist Gish Jen

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A conversational writing style helps your blog appeal to readers. But “conversational” does not mean “exactly as in a conversation.”

Novelist Gish Jen says in Why We Write:

When you tell a story in the kitchen to a friend, it is full of infelicities. I try to edit those out in literature but keep the feeling of a story being told.

When you’re blogging, this may mean that you

  • Cut irrelevant details
  • Tighten the structure of your story, making it flow more quickly and logically

Why We Write offers nuggets of advice and inspiration for writers. While it tilts toward fiction, there’s something for everyone.

 

Disclosure: If you click on the Amazon link in this post and then buy something, I will receive a small commission. I only link to books in which I find some value for my blog’s readers.

Your “lollipop” doesn’t say what you think

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Choose your words with attention to the many ways they may be interpreted. As a hike in the Rhode Island woods reminded me, your terminology may not convey the message you intend.

On a muggy summer day, my husband and I set off on a “2.3-mile lollipop” hike. Quickly eyeballing the trail description, my husband assumed that “lollipop” meant it was an easy hike, appropriate for little kids of a lollipop-loving age. Not so.

It turned out that lollipop referred to the trail’s shape. A path as straight as a Tootsie Pop’s stick led to a circular trail. As you can tell, the author’s lollipop image was misinterpreted by a reader in a hurry.

The author could suggest to my husband that he read more carefully. After all, if my husband had read the trail summary, and compared it to the map that appeared four pages later, he could have grasped the analogy. But it’s not realistic to expect everyone to read at such length and with such attention to detail.

In this case, writing “lollipop-shaped” trail could have guided my husband to the right conclusion, which making the trail’s shape memorable through the use of an analogy.

What are YOUR lollipops?

Are there financial terms that your readers find just as confusing as lollipop was in my example?

Do you find “lollipops” in writing about investments and personal finance? What are they, and how can we describe them better?